R.I.P Barney

It was a sad day on Monday. I was driving to work in the morning, when lo and behold, Barney had turned into roadkill. So long my roadside chum.

To block, or not to block...

There are two types of companies. Those that block facebook, and those that embrace it. Oh yeah, and those that allow you to use your 'quota time' minutes to login to it. Pah. (I'm currently working in the latter environment).

I think it's a big mistake for organisations to start blocking these kinds of websites. Sure, go ahead and block the porn, but don't take away my social networks!! Although it's generally the view that by blocking certain websites staff productivity will increase (oh I've seen the graphs), I disagree.

We'll find a way to waste time. We'll chat. We'll go for a little walk. We'll make 10 cups of tea in a day. We'll then go to the bathroom just as many times. We all need a break away from work every now and then, even if it's just 5 minutes to check your webmail (yeah that's been blocked too!!!)

Instead of blocking potential distracting websites, companies need to embrace them. Set up a blog, create a wiki for your team, start a facebook group for your staff, get linkedin. Give employees a way to communicate and engage with each other beyond board meetings and group emails.

Otherwise they'll just end up pointlessly ranting about it on their anonymous blog like me.

So that's my mission in my new job. To turn around a whole organisation's way of thinking and help them see that the web really isn't that scary after all.

Let the battle between IT and Marketing begin! (eek)

The lifecycle of Leona Lewis

Seriously, what is Simon Cowell doing with the Leona Lewis brand? I know, I know, why try and re-invent the wheel. Vocal acrobatics worked for Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston, and given that Leona Lewis pretty much sounds exactly like a hybrid of the two - it makes sense to go down that route.

She's had number one's internationally, so it's obviously working. But it's just such a shame that she's being slotted into a power ballad box with the occasional 80s sounding pop track thrown in for good measure.

It's just so boooring.

Sure, I know nothing about the music industry and how it all works, but I'm a consumer dammit, so here's my prediction of the Leona Lewis Lifecycle (ooh):

1. Starts of with the big voice singing the big songs in the big ol' predictable dresses.



2. Speands a year in the US working on her next album



3. Becomes an 'independent woman' and releases next album, spouting lines in interviews such as 'This album is definitely edgier and funkier and I feel it really reflects me as an artist'. Possibly fires manager.



4. Decides that she'd like to try her hand at acting. How hard can it be?



5. Stars in a Hollywood film in which she plays a girl from the 'hood' who wants to make it as a singer and says things in interviews like 'I really felt a connection with a character and really feel that this whole experience has helped me grow as an artist.'



6. Launches her own range of fragances and/or underwear and/or clothing line.



7. Makes the fatal decision to appear in Celebrity Big Brother. It's all over.

Oh we've seen it all before!!

(but I'm sure she'll be fab)

I'm bad luck for black cats

Over the weekend I did something that wasn't very good.

I know it's supposed to be bad luck when a black cat crosses your path...but what about when you step on one?

Yes that's right. I stepped on a black cat!!!

I was carrying a box out of the front door, and naturally being a Stick Girl, any box is a big box for me. So, thanks to the box, I couldn't see where I was going and totally missed the cat curled up on the front step. Until I stepped on it and in ran into the house and back out again in a panic.

Poor cat.

Although on the plus side, it's lucky it got stepped on by a Stick Girl and no one else.

I think the only sensible answer to this little episode is to get people to carry things for me from now on. For the cat's sake.

Alternative Transport

I saw a rickshaw on my way to work this morning:



In Surrey.

Hmm...

Times a-changing

A lot of things have been changing lately.

First off, I've moved into my flat. Yes, I've made the move to the suburbs! My drive to work consists of 20 minutes of winding country lanes and lots of trees. Lovely. And on my way home, the same pheasant crosses the same road at the same every day. We're becoming friends.

I think I'll name him Barney.

Anyway. Much more importantly - Pizza Hut is rebranding to Pasta Hut. What's that all about?! Is this really a good idea??? In an attempt to answer this truly global question, The Schizophrenic Hut is running a poll on their website to find out. Current votes stand at 29% loving Pasta Hut, and 71% clinging onto Pizza Hut.

I have a feeling this might all be some cunning marketing ploy to get our attention. They'll change back to Pizza Hut. You'll see. It's a classic case of Choco Krispies - and we all know we'd all rather have a bowl of Coco Pops (boom boom).

StickGirl's back

I think the longer you put something off, the harder it is to do - hence the two month gap between this post and the last.

I started my new job two months ago and absolutely love it. In fact things have been so rosy that I haven't had anything to rant about in two whole months. I drive along to work in the morning listening merrily to Johhny and Lisa (my aerial's a bit buggered, can only pick up Captial FM) and enjoying the travel updates informing me of delays on the tube, strikes on the buses. Mwah ha ha. Although I am trying to fit in a bit of road rage to and from work and manage to get a few lines of 'stop driving up my f*king arse' in every week.

It's quite surprising how much extra time I've had on my hands, what with the lack of ranting and all. I went to sunny Madrid, drank sangria, ate tapas and did lots and lots of shopping. I've also been looking for somewhere to live. And at the end of the month, I'm officially becoming StickGirl in the Suburbs. Yup, clean air here I come!

Really must get round to changing the title of this blog...

In at the deep end

Today was my first day in my new job - and yes, I did swear a few times at idiot drivers who don't know how to indicate or stay in their lane - but overall, it was definitely a much needed breath of fresh air.

As with any new job, I have definitely experienced information overload today. So I've just been making like a sponge and going with the flow.

Although I do think I've been thrown in at the deep end a bit. Tomorrow I have to be at work at 8.30 to attend an external meeting with my Director, in place of the Head of Marketing and Comms. Eek. This also involves an hour long car journey to and from the meeting with the Director - that's two whole hours people! Bigger EEK.

Hum...bring it on!

And then we came to the end

So that's it. It's all over.

As of today, I no longer work in the city. No more hour long journeys travelling to and from work in the make shift sauna that is the tube.

Although my lovely work chums did buy me a copy of The Piccadilly Line: An Illustrated History, so I will never really forget the fun times me and the old purple line had over the last one and half years.

I packed up my Whack It and was on my way!

And now I have four long days to start getting nervous about my new job...eek.

Can facebook groups bring about change?

I really wish I could put an end to poverty...


Aha!

I'll create a facebook group - that'll do the trick!

I don't know about you, but I seem to be getting invited to an increasing number of facebook groups that begin with the words 'I bet I can find 100,000 people who [fill in the blank]'. Typically these can range from grandiose worldwide humanitarian/political/ethical issues, to which BB contestant you hate the most (all of them).

Some of them no doubt are worthwhile in recruiting members and getting people to take action by signing a petition or writing to their MP etc. And if these groups get big enough to make it into the press - even better.

But some of them just seem to exist for the sake of it. Like, for example, 'I bet i can find 1,000,000 people against Abortion'. Yes, I bet you can, seeing as facebook has almost 124 million unique users. Pretty easy bet if you ask me.

Although after having a nosy around that facebook group, I do think that it opens a good forum for discussion and provides a place for people to air their views.

The real question is, can these groups really bring about change? I suppose time will tell...and awareness raising is the best place to start.

The Kellogg's Special K Overdose

The Kellogg's Special K Challenge has been bugging me for a long time - so I think a rant is long over due.

You must have seen the adverts encouraging you to get 'Slimmer for Summer'. If you haven't, I'm sure if you settled down to watch Loose Women or Home and Away, an ad will no doubt grace your screen.

Of course, with summer looming (actually, apparently it's here already - who knew?!) we're being bombarded with self-tanning, travel insurance and feel-good fitness ads left right and centre. Annoying, yes. But to be expected.

But the Special K Challenge is annoying for a different reason. To give you a quick summary, the challenge is to lose 1 inch from your waist in a mere 2 weeks. What a challenge, you cry! But you're wrong - it's not a challenge, it's a hoax!

I could accept the challenge if you had to tone up by exercising and eating healthily - that sounds reasonable to me. But all Kellogg's want you to do is eat their cereal for 2 out of your 3 meals in a day. So for a whole two weeks, instead of eating 28 meals (lunch and dinner) and 14 breakfast meals, you will now eat 28 bowls of Special K and 14 regular meals. And don't worry if you get bored of all the cereal, you get to break your meals up with 2 great tasting Special K snacks every day!

In the words of Alf from Home and Away, 'What kind of kangaroo court is this?!'

Of course if you substitute a proper meal with toasted rice flakes you're going to lose weight. It's really not rocket science. But in case you're not convinced, Kellogg's has even provided us with a 'science' section just to prove that it IS legitimate, it is, it is!

At least Kellogg's will always have the Crunchy Nut ads...

My last week: The countdown begins...

This is it. My last week working in the city has finally arrived. After a year and half of regularly complaining about the tube, the people on the tube, tube advertising - generally ALL THINGS TUBE - I can finally hang up (er, or remove from my wallet) my Oyster Card.

Yep, as of next Monday, my world will no longer look quite so much like this:



Courtesy of www.staynl.com.

But despite all my moaning, I think there are definitely some things I will miss about working in London (after the haze of B.O. and tube rage has lifted):

1. Being able to pop out at midday and choose from a wide range of worldwide foods for lunch.



2. Being able to meet up with friends who also work in London and are a short tube hop away.



3. Being able to stop at the giant Topshop on my way home from work.



4. Being able to go out for a quick drink after work at any number of bars that are on our doorstep.

So it's not all bad, I will be (a little bit) sad to leave...and I'm sure all this will kick in once I've settled into my new job. But for now, leafy 'burbs here I come!

Ever feel like you're having one of those days?

Father's Day Menu

Incase you've forgotten, or have been blissfully unaware of the massive increase in DIY and 'tool' adverts popping up on the telly, it's Father's Day tomorrow. Yep, that wonderful commercial holiday where we get to pay homage to our paps and fill the pockets of commercial giants like Hallmark.

I'm not quite sure if my dad even realises it's Father's Day tomorrow, but nonetheless, I'm taking the opportunity to knock a top notch Sunday lunch. I'm quite into my cooking, but just never really get the time to experiment.

For Mother's Day I went for something quite elegant and a little bit fancy:

Starter: Green-lipped muscles with a garlic breadcrumb crust

Main: Chicken stuffed with red peppers and pesto, wrapped in Parma ham. Served with pasta and roasted courgettes.

Dessert: Chocolate souffle

(she's that kinda lady)

But Father's Day has got to be a little bit different, something a little bit more hearty:

Starter: Warm salad of roasted squash, prosciutto and parmesan

Main: Beef stew with crusty bread

Dessert: Summer fruits and cream

*Drool* Starter and Main courtesy of cheeky chappy (and slightly annoying) Jamie Oliver.

I'm not really a 'stew' person...I'm not really 100% sure if I've ever eaten it, and I definitely haven't made it before. But it looks pretty scrummy and I think my dad will like it, but I guess we'll find out tomorrow...

The Konkans

The next book on my reading list is The Konkans by Tony D'Souza. Yup, 'D'Souza' not 'De Souza' - so he's a proper Goan.

I like to keep my postings fairly anonymous (which, I suppose, is all in vain because chances you probably know me anyway). Sure, you know I'm a StickGirl, I work in the city, blah blah.

But seeing as I read about this book in the Metro the other day, I now have to talk about my Goan heritage. Something which I actually know very little about.

For example, who knew that the Konkans are actually a 'marginalised group of Catholic Indians from Goa whose faith is the result of the brutal Goa Inquisition carried out by the Portuguese Catholic church during the 16th century'? (Yeah, I ripped the article out and brought it home with me). Who even knew that Goans are called Konkans?? Not me!

All this time I've been bumbling along thinking I'm a Goan, when in fact, I'm a Konkan! Sounds a little bit too much like 'conker' for my liking...

And sure, we all knew that Goa was a Portuguese colony - hence all the Portuguese surnames - but I wasn't aware of the savage conversion programme that took place in the 16th century.

Growing up in a Goan Catholic family, St Francis Xavier was definitely the big cheese, the ultimate big saint on campus. But now I'm discovering that he ordered this inquisition that, from the sounds of it, was pretty brutal. Oh those deceiving robes...

Ok, so obviously I'm not going to rely on the Metro for all the facts. But it's definitely made me more aware of my heritage, and the fact that I know so little about the history of my ancestors.

Plus it's inspiring to read about a successful and bestselling Goan writer (even if he's only half Goan) - who knew there was life for a Goan beyond accountancy?! Hooray, there is a light!

What do a couple of sirs, a prof and a feminist all have in common?

They've been paid loads to promote NS&I:



*yawn* what a boring advert. But let's face it, savings and investments aren't really that exciting.

You've got to admit though, what better way to endorse your product than to get Bob Geldof, Germaine Greer, Stephen Hawking and and good ol' Alan Sugar to give you the thumbs up?

The only shame is that those four have possibly lost a smidgen of credibility along the way...

Brains perform best when they're hydrated

A stroke of advertising genius:

StickGirl in the suburbs

Ok so there is a reason for the launch of my 'city vs suburbs' poll - which, by the way, has only been taken by one person. And it doesn't even really count because that person was me. Boo.

The reason being: I am moving to the suburbs!

Well not really, but my new job means I'll be going there every day. At the moment I live in on the edges of the London - not quite green enough to describe it as the 'leafy 'burbs', and not really exciting enough to call it the 'buzzing city'. A city/suburb limbo seems to fit the bill more correctly.

Anyway, all this tube rage has started to get a bit much. So I thought it's time to try out road rage. Yep, as of next month I will be driving through pleasant scenery (OK, the A30) to get to my new job.

At least now my rage can be contained inside my car, instead of just inside me. Hooray!

City vs Suburbs?

Ok time for a new poll. You were all very helpful in deciding who was more annoying, Kerry Katona or the Smug Car Giant man. But if you thought that was difficult...I've got a new one for you.

Where would you rather live:

the buzzing city



or green suburbia?



City life is fun, there's always something to do - bars, clubs, theatres, galleries, restuarants, museums. But what about the leafy suburbs? They have their plus points too - more space, less noise, friendlier people, cleaner air, cheaper cost of living. And I hear they have restaurants and bars too?!

My ideal is to live out of London, but still close enough to hop on a train. What do you think? Take the poll!

I think this StickGirl in the city is being converted to the surburbs...

Cosmopolitan please

Sex and the City THE MOVIE (eeee!) was released in cinemas on Wednesday. That was four days ago. And I still haven't seen it yet. BOO.



There is a reason. This coming Thursday I'm going to a special screening, packed with red carpet, discount cosmos and even the paps (this is supposed to be a selling point).

It's all in aid of Refuge, the national charity for women and children experiencing domestic violence (thanks to Accidental Scientist for the tip).

I'm sure it will be well worth the wait! The shoes, the cocktails, the outfits, the glamour...and who would have thought Kim Cattrall is in her 50s?! Amazing.

Plus, I want to see if the closing line beats the one in the final episode of season 6:

"...the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous"

We love the cheese.

Everything Changes

I recently finished reading Everything Changes by Jonathan Tropper. Thumbs up. Overall a pretty good book that gets you thinking, but also provides some light reading.

I've read a LOT of chick lit - who doesn't love a bit of Marian Keyes every now and then?! So it was interesting to read a similar kind of book written about a man, by a man. I was really looking forward to getting a man's perspective on relationships for a change. And I think I did get that.

But.

The only thing that let's the novel down are the female characters. There are four in total:

1. Hope: The ideal woman

Perfect body. Has all the feminine charms. Great in bed. Good dresser. Something nice to bring home to the parents and make a home with.

2. Tamarra: The damsel in distress

Vulnerable due to unforseen circumstances, but quietly strong. Sensitive, caring and gets inside your head because she really knows you. Needs protection. Sexy.

3. Lela: The mom (yeah, it's American...)

Strong and compassionate. Selfless and loving. Will do anything for her kids. Knows how to pack snacks for a long car ride.

4. Delia: The stripper

Nice rack.

But saying that, I'm sure the types of male characters that feature in chick lit novels aren't too much different. Besides let's face it, how much do we even really know about the opposite sex?!

All in all, a good read.

Difficult is worth doing

And the Honda TV ad has arrived on YouTube:

The Power of Dreams

Wowzer! Did you just see the Honda TV ad just now on Channel 4? Abso-bloody-lutely fantastic!

I read about it in the Metro this morning, but all it featured was a column advert stating something along the lines of 'Tonight. Channel 4 at 8pm. Difficult is worth doing'. So I was intrigued, but had long forgotten about it come five past eight.

Then lo and behold, I'm in the middle of watching Come Dine With Me (love it!) when a bunch of red jumpsuited people fell out of a plane in Spain and spelt out the letters H O N D A respectively as they plummeted back down to ground level. And it was all live!

A massive risk take there, but as Honda says, difficult really is worth doing. The ad isn't available on YouTube yet, but I'm sure it will be soon! If not you can apparently watch it again on the Honda website - if it hasn't crashed yet.

Genius! Well done Honda.

StickGirl in Sardinia

Has it really been over a month? Eek. I've been neglecting my blog a bit lately - life just suddenly sped up and got super busy over the last month or so.

But I'm back after a week long hol to Sardinia. Ah yes, sunny Sardinia...sunny my ass. It poured down with rain for the first three days - and having packed my suitcase full of floaty tops and dresses, this did not bode well. My sheer determination and will that it WOULD STOP RAINING ANY MINUTE NOW also meant that I didn't buy an umbrella during those three days. Fun times.

Still had a good time though - I'd pick Sardinian rain over London rain any day. And when the sun finally did come out for the end half of our holiday, it was even better.

Why a pregnant man really isn't that weird...

I am a little bit concerned.

I've just read The Accidental Scientist's post about a father and daughter in Australia who have just gone public about their relationship and have a 9 month old healthy baby together (full story on The Guardian). Yep, sick and wrong wrong wrong.

But there's something else that's worrying me. After collecting myself and recovering from the shock and uncontrollable cringing, I realised something far more alarming. I was more shocked by this story than the one about the pregnant man! Does that mean I think incest is more unacceptable than a man being pregnant?!

Clearly both stories are socially unacceptable at this point in time - but why was I less gobsmacked by a man carrying a baby? Surely a man and a woman conceiving a child (even if they are father and daughter) is more natural, and hence a smidge more tolerable? Maybe it's because the pregnant man was once a woman, but never fully got rid of his (her?) female reproductive organs. So 'his' pregnancy is not entirely as unnatural as we might have originally thought - he has a uterus!

Look!


(Pregnant man on Oprah)

The pregnant man who used to be a woman is also married to a woman. But they're not a lesbian couple as the transexual man is legally recognised as a male. Ah my head hurts.

So you see, I should be more shocked by this story. Shouldn't I?

But I'm not. A father and a daughter having a baby together still disturbs me more. Maybe it's because a few years ago, gay and lesbian couples getting married, having babies, changing sex etc were no where near as socially acceptable as they are now. And like The Accidental Scientist says, maybe incestuous relationships are heading in this direction too? They're just not there yet.

Big greedy banks

I just got a call from one of the banks I have an account with. A sales call. I think a Monday evening is probably the worst time to make a sales call. Not only are you pissed off that it's Monday and that you barely blinked and the weekend's over - it's also the furthest day away from Friday (Saturdays and Sundays don't really count).

And although a certain part of you feels sorry for telesales people having to meet their targets and get ranted at by annoyed customers who've already received 9 sales calls so far that day - that part of you just isn't that big.

Especially when, like today, the salesperson tells you that due to your being a loyal customer, you are being rewarded with the chance to apply for a new Mastercard credit card. Yes, rewarded!!!



Thank you big greedy bank for giving me the chance to let you take more money from me. No really, thank you.

Together for London

If you're a Londoner, you've probably noticed these friendly faces dotted around the Underground:



Aren't they cheery.

These characters are part of TFL's 'Together for London' campaign which was launched in Feb earlier this year.

TFL is asking us to stop and think about how considerate we are as passengers. I can save you some time pondering, if you do any of these things - you're not.

To be honest, I'm not too sure how effective this campaign's going to be. I mean, if you're the kind of person who won't offer your seat to a pregnant lady, you must be pretty mean. Is a little cartoon character with a big smiley face and a t-shirt saying 'I will offer you my seat', really going to make you see the error of your ways? I think not.

Bring back tomato throwing that's what I say.

"All I want is your cheapest cab, innit"

This clipping was doing the rounds in the office yesterday:



Cockney slang dictionary

Apples and pears = stairs
Dog and bone = phone
Joe Baxi = taxi?!

I'm not really up to date on my cockney slang, and it seems the nice people at directory enquiries aren't either. Joe Baxi, it's a cab innit?

Regular dictionary

Cab innit = cabinet

So that's what the caller got delivered at 10am the next day. Not a cab to Bristol Airport. But an office cabinet.

Just in case you're still confused:



You can't make this stuff up.

Read the full story in The Sun.

Art by StickGirl

A round up of Stuff

The last time I blogged it was March. Now it's April. Where is the time going?! Before you know it, it'll be crimbo again - although it has been a bit confusing what with the snow and it being officially British summer time and all. Let's get this global warming show on the road people.

A lot of things have happened since the last time I blogged, so it's time for a quick round up:

• The BBC discovered that penguins can fly.


• Virgin and Google joined forces, to become...yep, Virgle (nice). And in a joint effort, gave us the opportunity to become a 'Virgle Pioneer' and set up home on Mars.


• The second episode of the Apprentice was on. But unfortunately I didn't get to watch it because Grand Designs was on at the same time, and a certain person, whom we shall call 'StickBoy', wanted to watch it. I'm not bitter.


• A Glass and a Half Full of Happiness has brought us the next Cadbury's TV ad full of airport truck fun. Oh to be an airport truck...
  
  
  
  If I have to have Queen's 'Don't Stop Me Now' permanently stuck in my head, so do you.


• The tube strike was on. Then it was off. Leaving us all disappointed that we couldn't 'work from home' in our PJs with Trisha and Jeremy Kyle on in the background to remind us that it's really not that bad having a job.


• Channel 4's Vanity Lair is now over. Genius reality TV: put a bunch of 'beautiful people' in a house and get them to vote on who's most attractive. Ten gripping weeks of 'I'm more beautiful', 'No I'M more beautiful'. I only caught one episode, but I think it was the best one. The housemates decided to strip themselves of all make up and hair products to show just how beautiful they really are. In one contestant's words, 'to push themselves to the max of attractiveness'. Hahaha, like I said, genius.


• And of course loads of other important stuff too.

The Apprentice

The new season of The Apprentice started last night. A with it brought the two most annoying people IN THE WORLD (yes, even more annoying than Car Giant Man and Kerry Katona - combined. urgh.)

I'm talking about Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and Raef Bjayou. They've obviously been cast in the show to provide some 'good TV' - there really can't be any other reason. They're both pompous, arrogant, whiny mummy's boys, in desperate need of a haircut. Look:


Nicholas de Lacy-Brown


Raef Bjayou

Thankfully, Nicholas was fired last night - hooray! I really don't think I could stand watching two floppy-haired ponces every week.

I'm not just being mean, they really are a joke. Nicholas for example, was born Nicholas Brown. But he decided to add the 'de Lacy' bit because 'he felt it sounded more sophisticated'. He also listed one of his interests as 'reading in the bath surrounded by candles'. Wouldn't just 'reading' have been enough? It's The Apprentice not a lonely hearts ad.

And as for Raef. He used to be an estate agent. Enough said.

Find out more at www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice. For a run down of yesterday's episode, read Tre's Column (good old Tre, he's back!)

Bring back the milkman

When was the last time you saw one of these?



(it's a milk float)

This morning I was staring out my bedroom window in that glazed 'oh but didn't I just go to sleep?' kind of way - when I saw a milk float go by. Yes, a MILK FLOAT (caps make things seem more real). I think I may have even done a cartoon double take (and obviously the milk float was still there - they're not really that fast are they? aw).

I can't remember the last time I saw a milk float...maybe well over 10 years ago?! And then along came the Tesco type giants with their cheap pints of milk and it was bye bye to Mr Milkman (to the delight of paranoid husbands throughout the land).

But let's face it, supermarket milk may be less expensive, but it's just not quite the same when you have to go and get it yourself...

Stick Girl in Another City

I'm tired. (But still find time to blog. That's dedication for you).

Today I travelled, in total, about 8 hours. For a 3 hour meeting. Meaning my meeting wasn't even HALF the time I spent travelling. Humph. No wait - HUMPH.

But actually, I've accomplished quite a lot today on my return trip to Manchester:

1. I finished reading Memoirs of a Geisha.


2. I had a productive meeting.


3. I watched two episodes of Sex & the City.


4. I developed a muscle in my right arm from lugging around my MacBook in my handbag, along with all my other necessary bits (like my meeting notes, Sex & the City DVDs etc).

So all in all, a productive day.

Don't you just love John Mayer

Don't forget to visit www.youtube.com/mayermusic

Man presents

It's my dad's birthday this week - and that means picking out a 'man present' (I think it's safe to blog about this, my dad isn't too web savvy. The other day he referred to our wireless internet router as 'the box where the internet comes from').

Exciting man presents are really difficult to find, especially when they're for your dad. Especially when Christmas wasn't that long ago. Especially when you repeatedly ask him what he'd like and get the follow alternate answers:

a) "nothing"
b) "a new car"



That's really not helpful. Although I did follow up option b), but when asking what car he'd like, he reverted back to option a). Older not wiser as they say...

In the end I went for the good old trusty jumper. Not very exciting I know. But it is a silk/wool mix - which is preeeeetty exciting when it comes to jumpers!

Point made.

Facebook stalking

Ok I'm sure we've all done our fair share of facebook stalking over the years. Be it an ex, your other half's ex, your best friend's ex...pretty much, wherever there's some sort of ex involved. I think I was at my facebook stalking prime in my last year of uni - but that was mainly a result of my regular revision 'breaks'.



Facebook's really not that fun anymore, mainly because I keep getting invited to find out what type of flower/underwear/drink/desperate housewife I am (The Accidental Scientist tells it like it is). Luckily, I already know that I'm none of those things - so don't need to take the quiz (phew). But aside from that, I've found everyone I want to find. And if I want to know how someone's doing, I'd rather just pick up the phone or drop them an email - rather than scrolling down about a miles worth of application boxes and a funwall filled with obscene videos of obese people in the middle of sexual acts (why?) to write on someone's wall.

But anyway, every once in a while you'll stumble across an old classmate that you haven't seen in about 10 years, so will inevitably end up nosying around on their profile. Which is what happened to me today. Only to see this:



Yep, that's me, in an 'anti stalker' box, on the side of said classmate's facebook profile. Even though I wasn't actually stalking at the time (*ahem* my stalking days are long behind me), I can confirm that my heart did speed up a little, and I almost clicked the 'back' button out of worry that one of my facebook friends would KNOW that I was looking at her profile. SHOCK HORROR. Then I realised how stupid this actually was, and decided to find out what all this anti stalker malarchy is actually about.

Turns out, the Anti Stalker app is just designed to freak out your friends and can't actually tell people who has visited their page. Evil geniusness...

To be honest, the only people who need to be worried about facebook stalkers, are the facebook whores. And so far, the facebook privacy settings seem to the best anti stalker device out there yet...

Tumbleweed times

Lately I've felt lucky if I can blog once a week. Enter tumbleweed:



I feel like I'm wandering around like a bit of a stick girl zombie. It's getting serious, I don't even get that mad on the tube anymore. The other day, the two people either side of me were BOTH leaning over the armrests into my seat, and I didn't even let out a tut. And if that's not worrying enough, I settled down the other night to watch my Sex and the City DVD box set - AND ONLY MANAGED ONE AND A HALF EPISODES (although it was season 6 which isn't that great).

Maybe it's because our winter has been dragging on for about 3 seasons now. In case you didn't know, it's officially spring. I'm really hoping that global warming starts kicking soon.

On a brighter note, we have a four day weekend coming up soon - hooray! It really makes me have second thoughts about the whole 'work 5 days, take 2 days off' thing. Who came up with that bright idea anyway? I mean I know God made the world in 6 days and then rested on the 7th - but I bet he didn't have to go shopping and do the laundry and clean the bathroom - so it's really not the same is it?

Mean Photo Booths

As far as I'm concerned, renewing my passport comes around much sooner than I'd like. I'm sure I was about 15 or 16 when I got my last passport photo done...and well, let's be honest, I just look the same (stick girls generally don't age that much). So you see it's really not fair that I had to brave the photo booth today...

Nonetheless, along I popped to the Post Office to confront [cue: scary music] The Photo Booth. Where I had to give up 4 precious pounds to receive a set of four terrible photos that on average make people look far worse than they do in real life.

Plus, no matter how many times I kept spinning the seat, it wasn't getting any higher.

And that's just mean.

Beware of dentists with 'too perfect' teeth

Don't you think there's something not quite right with dentists? Aside from the whole disgusting, 'looking in peoples mouths and having a good old dig around' thing - dentists with too perfect teeth always set off little alarm bells in my head.

Yes, I went to the dentist today. An annoying young 'up and coming' dentist with too perfect teeth and a spring in his step. I remember my old dentist who I used to go to when I was small (ok, smaller) refused to go private and stayed with the NHS all the way. Now that's true dedication to the cause.



But not only did this new dentist not give me any stickers of giant teeth with smiley faces (hum), he also tried to charge me for absolutely every little thing you can think of. Like trying to sneak in an expensive hygenist appointment at the end, or getting me to cosmetically whiten one (yes, just one) little tiny tooth that no one can even see (and I have pretty white teeth to begin with, but I think it's genetic), or trying to get me to spend £70 on a white filling instead of £40 for an NHS filling. The sneaky, sneaky bastad.

All while smiling at me with his creepily white and unusually straight teeth.

No wonder the last time I went to the dentist was two years ago. Don't be fooled, you don't need to go every 6 months (unless you can't commit to brushing twice a day - but let's face it, you're just a bit gross if you don't), they're just trying to make more money out of you!

Stick Girl's official new look

So after not being entirely satisfied with the pink, but being unable to live amongst the dark - Stick Girl's gone for a combo of the two.

What do you think?

(You better say you like it because it took me far too long and I can't change it now. Er, but don't let this sway you.)

That's my head, not an arm rest!

It's bad enough to be around armpit level when travelling on the tube (I'm a pretty short stick girl) - but today I experienced added insult.

I got elbowed in the head, not once, but twice - by the same man!

Fair enough, it's a packed tube, there's not much room to breathe, yada yada - but stop fidgetting and elbowing my head!!

Eventually my deathly stares managed to squeeze out an 'oh, sorry dear', but only after the second elbow.

I turned into this:

The Kite Runner

First I read A Thousand Splendid Suns and thought it was amazing. Then I read The Kite Runner, and thought it was amazing too. Although I can't help feeling cheated somehow. I have a feeling that I didn't get to experience the full impact of The Kite Runner, having already read one of Hosseini's equally devastating other books. I think it left me desensitised.



Both books are horrifically violent and desperately touching, in equal measures. They're eye openers to Afghanistan's history, and have definitely come at the right time. But if you're going to read them, maybe start with the Kite Runner first.

Next on my list is the movie. Although don't watch this trailer if you want to read the book - there are far too many spoilers!



I think I hate the movie already. Sorry, but the epic American voiceover just doesn't do it for me (kind of like how Aladin and Mogli (Jungle Book) somehow ended up with American accents in the Disney movies). And what's with all the spoilers?!

It seems as though the movie has taken a different focus compared to the book - which I think is a massive shame. But then, I guess that's the inevitable curse of turning a novel into a film...

Leaving the dark side...

I think I've been suffering from writer's block (or probably more correctly, blogger's block) of late.

I couldn't quite put my finger on it - but then I had an epiphany - it's the pink! Ever since switching to the dark side, I just didn't feel like writing on my gloomy blog.

So the pink is back, hooray! (that is, until I find a less bubblegum type background...watch this space)

Feeling a bit silly?

Click this image:



Sorry, it's Friday.

Ditching the pink

Yup, Stick Girl has had a bit of a make over as you can see.

So it's goodbye to the happy candyfloss pink. I think I miss it. But only a bit.

Not sure about all this darkness...although it does remind me of being stuck in a tube tunnel during a delay - ah the memories.

And look, there's me up at the top in the tube!

And the winner is [drum roll please] ...

Car Giant (smug man)!

Yes that's right, you (well all 12 of you) voted the smug Car Giant man more hated than Kerry Katona in her straight jacket - and let's face it, that's no easy contest.

It was neck and neck for a while, then Car Giant nipped ahead with an extra vote - and in the end won with 7 votes to 5.

Thanks for voting! More highly important polls coming soon.

The Bitter Stickgirl

No, not me!

There is in fact another bitter stick girl out there. She's pretty bitter:

"I have a low tolerance for Stupidity"


But does seem to have a more sentimental side too:

"I love my new microwave!"


More at www.bitterstickgirl.com. (Thanks to Tom for the link)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

My Big Fat Greek Wedding was on last night. Great mindless comedy for a Monday, when your brain's still trying to get in gear after the weekend. And it also helps that quite often you can substitute the word 'Greek' for whatever ethnic group you come from and go 'hey, we do that too!' followed by a laugh and a little cringe.

(Although on the downside Joey Fatone from N'Sync is in it).



But just because it's one of those 'make me laugh, don't make me think' kinda movies, doesn't mean you can't find any pearls of wisdom in there:

Maria Portokalos to daughter Toula "Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants."

Well said!

Hurry, there's only one more day left...

...to answer London's burning question (see above).

Go on, take my poll, the nation needs to know!

Need a stress buster?

Behold:



Yesterday I was presented with the mighty USB Whack It by my lovely team at work, in an attempt to curb my tube rage. And it lights up too!

The perfect metaphor for human existance

So I popped into Tesco's today to grab some lunch and chose a delightful plastic-y tasting pasta salad. Coated in a mayonaise/herb/plastic dressing. But that's besides the point.

I got to the till to pay, and asked the lady behind the counter for a fork. To which she replied, 'No. But I can give you a spork?'

SPORK???

Is it a spoon, is it a fork? Well no, apparently it's a SPORK:


I'm not quite sure how I feel about all this spork business, but it seems like some people out there have been thinking long and hard about it.

I'll leave you with this thought:

"A spork is a perfect metaphor for human existance. It tries to function as both spoon and fork, and because of this dual nature, it fails miserably at both." www.spork.org

Hmm...!

'Tube Time' vs 'Real Time'

That right, it turns out that the tube does not run according to 'real time'. Nope, that would obviously be far too easy. Instead it follows it's own special, mysterious 'tube time'.

I read in the trusty London Lite yesterday that the times displayed on tube platforms (i.e. stating that the next train in 2 mins away - even though you've been waiting for 5) are actually - shock horror - INCORRECT. The bastads.



Actually that's not entirely true. When they say a train is 2 minutes away, it is in fact 2 minutes away. BUT that doesn't mean that it will get to you in 2 minutes.

The train might need to stop at station (as trains generally do) adding another few minutes to the time of arrival, it might be delayed, someone might have pulled the passenger alarm, a person might be under the train (who ARE these people???)

So even when you KNOW you've been waiting for 10 minutes, the display will STILL read that it's 2 minutes away. The evil, evil bastads.

TFL, I humph at you.

I Am Sam

Last night I caught the last hour of I Am Sam. It had me bawling like a baby (it might be worth mentioning at this point that I used to cry at Ricki Lake reunions too. Come on, reunited family members in front of a live tv audience with a more 'sensitive' version of the Ricki Lake soundtrack playing in the background - what's not to love?)



The film, in a nutshell, is about a mentally retarded man's (Sam) fight for the custody of his 7 year old daughter. The snippet I watched was both heart breaking and warming - and turned me into a quivering pile of jelly.

Imagine if I had watched the whole thing?

Scrubs - Guy Love

Last year I started getting into Scrubs - for no other reason other than it's repeated on practically every channel throughout the day.

And it's for precious moments like these that I love it:

The best films of all time...or just recently.

Just read an article by Ken Russell on 'The Best Films of All Time'. His were:

1. Metropolis
2. The Red Shoes
3. Citizen Kane
4. Gone With the Wind
5. La Strada
6. Fantasia
7. The 39 Steps
8. A Night at the Opera
9. La Belle et la Bete
10. Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion (!)

Having only been around a limited number of years (compared to good old Ken), my own list is probably better entitled 'The Best Films I've Watched Recently'. Although it doesn't have quite the same ring to it...

Anyhoo, here goes:

1. Requiem for a Dream
2. American Beauty
3. The House of Sand and Fog
4. A Time to Kill
5. A Beautiful Mind
6. Minority Report
7. Forest Gump
8. Identity
9. Romeo and Juliet
10. Reservoir Dogs

Requiem for a Dream is without a doubt the most powerful film I've ever seen. It's not the easiest to stomach, I've only been able to watch it about 3 or 4 times. It really does leave me quite traumatised!


It's a beautiful and devastating film - chances are you won't even like it. One reviewer described the experience like 'banging your head against a brick wall over and over again'.

But, I think everyone should watch it. At least once.

Happy Valentine's Day!

If you're stuck for what to send your valentine this year, check out vd.meish.org.

There's lots of lovely cards for you to choose from, like:



And if you're not feeling too loved up yet, here's a delighful love story to get you in the mood: the box of love

Spread the love people!