I've just realised that it's been well over a year since my showdown with the escalator at Kings Cross. And I'd just like to point out that I still have the scars on my legs.
But I prefer to call them battle wounds.
So that's it. It's all over.
As of today, I no longer work in the city. No more hour long journeys travelling to and from work in the make shift sauna that is the tube.
Although my lovely work chums did buy me a copy of The Piccadilly Line: An Illustrated History, so I will never really forget the fun times me and the old purple line had over the last one and half years.
I packed up my Whack It and was on my way!
And now I have four long days to start getting nervous about my new job...eek.
This is it. My last week working in the city has finally arrived. After a year and half of regularly complaining about the tube, the people on the tube, tube advertising - generally ALL THINGS TUBE - I can finally hang up (er, or remove from my wallet) my Oyster Card.
Yep, as of next Monday, my world will no longer look quite so much like this:
Courtesy of www.staynl.com.
But despite all my moaning, I think there are definitely some things I will miss about working in London (after the haze of B.O. and tube rage has lifted):
Ok so there is a reason for the launch of my 'city vs suburbs' poll - which, by the way, has only been taken by one person. And it doesn't even really count because that person was me. Boo.
The reason being: I am moving to the suburbs!
Well not really, but my new job means I'll be going there every day. At the moment I live in on the edges of the London - not quite green enough to describe it as the 'leafy 'burbs', and not really exciting enough to call it the 'buzzing city'. A city/suburb limbo seems to fit the bill more correctly.
Anyway, all this tube rage has started to get a bit much. So I thought it's time to try out road rage. Yep, as of next month I will be driving through pleasant scenery (OK, the A30) to get to my new job.
At least now my rage can be contained inside my car, instead of just inside me. Hooray!
If you're a Londoner, you've probably noticed these friendly faces dotted around the Underground:
Aren't they cheery.
These characters are part of TFL's 'Together for London' campaign which was launched in Feb earlier this year.
TFL is asking us to stop and think about how considerate we are as passengers. I can save you some time pondering, if you do any of these things - you're not.
To be honest, I'm not too sure how effective this campaign's going to be. I mean, if you're the kind of person who won't offer your seat to a pregnant lady, you must be pretty mean. Is a little cartoon character with a big smiley face and a t-shirt saying 'I will offer you my seat', really going to make you see the error of your ways? I think not.
Bring back tomato throwing that's what I say.
The last time I blogged it was March. Now it's April. Where is the time going?! Before you know it, it'll be crimbo again - although it has been a bit confusing what with the snow and it being officially British summer time and all. Let's get this global warming show on the road people.
A lot of things have happened since the last time I blogged, so it's time for a quick round up:
It's bad enough to be around armpit level when travelling on the tube (I'm a pretty short stick girl) - but today I experienced added insult.
I got elbowed in the head, not once, but twice - by the same man!
Fair enough, it's a packed tube, there's not much room to breathe, yada yada - but stop fidgetting and elbowing my head!!
Eventually my deathly stares managed to squeeze out an 'oh, sorry dear', but only after the second elbow.
I turned into this:
That right, it turns out that the tube does not run according to 'real time'. Nope, that would obviously be far too easy. Instead it follows it's own special, mysterious 'tube time'.
I read in the trusty London Lite yesterday that the times displayed on tube platforms (i.e. stating that the next train in 2 mins away - even though you've been waiting for 5) are actually - shock horror - INCORRECT. The bastads.
Actually that's not entirely true. When they say a train is 2 minutes away, it is in fact 2 minutes away. BUT that doesn't mean that it will get to you in 2 minutes.
The train might need to stop at station (as trains generally do) adding another few minutes to the time of arrival, it might be delayed, someone might have pulled the passenger alarm, a person might be under the train (who ARE these people???)
So even when you KNOW you've been waiting for 10 minutes, the display will STILL read that it's 2 minutes away. The evil, evil bastads.
TFL, I humph at you.
I am disturbed.
All I want is a peaceful journey to and from work every day (ha) - is that too much to ask? But recently, on every wall and round every corner on the Underground, I'm greeted with this:
Hideous!! It's the ad for her new reality tv show 'Crazy in Love' (they make it far too easy don't they?)
Give me Car Giant Man any day!
Here he is:
Although I don't think this image quite conveys the full extent of his pouty smugness. Look out for him on the tube. And try not to hit the advert when you see it.
I've searched high and low (Google image search) for a pic of the oh-so-annoying Car Giant ad that I saw waiting for my tube on the platform this morning.
But alas, it's not to be found.
Have you seen it? Smug man, complaining about 'the wife', wants to take 'the girlfriend' for a weekend in Paris 'tweet tweet'.
Argh. I think I'm going to add him as number 11 to my list (see below).
But let's face it, you suck smug man because you have to shop at Car Giant.
Thought it was about time I put together my top ten pet hates of tube travelling (in no particular order).
1. People who do not move down the carriage - MOVE DOWN.
2. The announcement that there's 'a good service currently operating on all London Underground lines' even though you've been waiting 15 minutes for your train. (Don't forget to get your refund).
3. People who lean so much on their armrests so that they spill over into MY SEAT. Back off.
4. People who insist on reading, even when there is NO MORE ROOM. No, that's not a space for your paper, that's my FACE.
5. When the tube you're on terminates a few stops before your destination - the bastads.
6. People that put their bags in an empty seat. Seats are for bottoms, not your bag!
7. People who know you want to get off the jammed packed tube, but won't move out of the way, in fear that they won't be able to get back on - see how the tube drives people krazy? (Yes, krazy. With a k).
8. People that listen to their MP3 players so loud that the whole carriage can hear it - thanks for sharing, but your music is rubbish.
9. Happy people. The Tube is no place for you - SAVE YOURSELVES.
10. People who don't usually get on the tube during rush hour saying to their friend 'God I couldn't do this every day! Chuckle chuckle'.
Oh those Americans...
Now if that happened at Kings Cross St Pancras, none of our trusty British commuters would bat an eyelid, we're far too polite (if you don't believe me, I have evidence. So there).
No no, I don't have a baby on board. But the other day I saw a pregnant woman getting off the tube wearing this:
Apparently TFL trialled these badges back in 2005, but it's the first time I've seen one. I think they're great!
So often people just ignore pregnant women on the tube and don't even offer them a seat - you know, the old 'look down, don't make eye contact, just keep looking down...'. Maybe this little badge will help?
What do you get when you cross one of the greatest songs of all time, Thriller, with one of the dullest places to be of all time - the Tube?
You get the Thriller dance on the tube! Hooray!
Oh to be a passenger on that carriage...
*NOTE: 'The Escalator' must be pronounced 'The EscalaTOR' for full dramatic effect.
Today has not been a good day. See this:
Does that look like a friendly and happy place to be? No. It does not. Because that is a deathly tube escalator. If you look closely enough you can see the grim reaper poking his scythe (yes that's what that creepy, extra long walking stick with a nasty blade is called - I just googled it) about.
Just kidding.
But anyway, today I fell down the escalator at Kings Cross. Rush hour commuters are the worst - no one helped me. I have horrid cuts all down my leg and have been bandaged up. It hurts to walk and I'm hobbling around like a granny on speed. AND NO ONE HELPED ME. If I could carry a violin around with me, I would.
So people of the tube, I beg you, let's be a little more caring eh?
