WARNING: the following images may cause distress to some viewers

Here's why you should avoid entering reality TV talent contests. Don't let this happen to you:

Kerry Katona: JUST PLAIN CRAZY

I am disturbed.

All I want is a peaceful journey to and from work every day (ha) - is that too much to ask? But recently, on every wall and round every corner on the Underground, I'm greeted with this:


Hideous!! It's the ad for her new reality tv show 'Crazy in Love' (they make it far too easy don't they?)

Give me Car Giant Man any day!

Chocolate Liqueur + Oreo = Yum

Not too long ago I popped into B@1 in Hammersmith on my home from work.

If you're ever in the area (especially during happy hour) make sure you pop in and sample their Vanilla Sandwich - a chocolate and vanilla cocktail garnished with an Oreo. YUM.

It looks a little bit like this:


Only SO much better.

A Thousand Splendid Suns

If you only read one book this year, make it 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' by Khaled Hosseini.


This is the best book I've read in a long time - maybe even ever?

It's so good that I nearly missed my stop on the tube a couple of times. And anything that can make me stay on that thing longer than necessary must be amazing.

...and just when you thought your Monday couldn't get any better...

Here he is:



Although I don't think this image quite conveys the full extent of his pouty smugness. Look out for him on the tube. And try not to hit the advert when you see it.

Smug Car Giant Man

I've searched high and low (Google image search) for a pic of the oh-so-annoying Car Giant ad that I saw waiting for my tube on the platform this morning.

But alas, it's not to be found.

Have you seen it? Smug man, complaining about 'the wife', wants to take 'the girlfriend' for a weekend in Paris 'tweet tweet'.

Argh. I think I'm going to add him as number 11 to my list (see below).

But let's face it, you suck smug man because you have to shop at Car Giant.

10 Things I Hate About You (the Tube)

Thought it was about time I put together my top ten pet hates of tube travelling (in no particular order).



1. People who do not move down the carriage - MOVE DOWN.

2. The announcement that there's 'a good service currently operating on all London Underground lines' even though you've been waiting 15 minutes for your train. (Don't forget to get your refund).

3. People who lean so much on their armrests so that they spill over into MY SEAT. Back off.

4. People who insist on reading, even when there is NO MORE ROOM. No, that's not a space for your paper, that's my FACE.

5. When the tube you're on terminates a few stops before your destination - the bastads.

6. People that put their bags in an empty seat. Seats are for bottoms, not your bag!

7. People who know you want to get off the jammed packed tube, but won't move out of the way, in fear that they won't be able to get back on - see how the tube drives people krazy? (Yes, krazy. With a k).

8. People that listen to their MP3 players so loud that the whole carriage can hear it - thanks for sharing, but your music is rubbish.

9. Happy people. The Tube is no place for you - SAVE YOURSELVES.

10. People who don't usually get on the tube during rush hour saying to their friend 'God I couldn't do this every day! Chuckle chuckle'.

Pancake day ponderings...

I love pancakes, they are probably one of my most favourite things to eat - thanks to good old Delia and her foolproof recipe.

But here's a puzzle, what's yummier?

a) Thick American style pancakes


or

b) Thin French style crepes


Don't let the images sway you!

Frozen Grand Central

Oh those Americans...



Now if that happened at Kings Cross St Pancras, none of our trusty British commuters would bat an eyelid, we're far too polite (if you don't believe me, I have evidence. So there).

Juno rocks!

Went to see Juno last night, and it was really good - not your average teen flick at all:



Ellen Page (Juno) definitely made the movie, and I hear she's up for an Oscar, as is the movie.

Juno rocks, plus she has a hamburger phone:

That's gotta count for something.

Diet Coke Plus ... vitamins?!

Indeed. Did you know that? I didn't.

I just saw an advert for it on tv yesterday. Whatever will these commercial giants think of next? Before you know it, there'll be fruit in your Happy Meal.

Oh wait. There is.

I guess with their sales plummeting, Coke had to think of something to get on our good side (especially after that whole Dasani episode which did them NO favours back in 2004. And let's not even get started on Coke Zero...)

Don't be fooled kids, they don't care about your health - it's all about the mula...

Baby on board

No no, I don't have a baby on board. But the other day I saw a pregnant woman getting off the tube wearing this:



Apparently TFL trialled these badges back in 2005, but it's the first time I've seen one. I think they're great!

So often people just ignore pregnant women on the tube and don't even offer them a seat - you know, the old 'look down, don't make eye contact, just keep looking down...'. Maybe this little badge will help?

...and just when you thought the tube was boring

What do you get when you cross one of the greatest songs of all time, Thriller, with one of the dullest places to be of all time - the Tube?

You get the Thriller dance on the tube! Hooray!



Oh to be a passenger on that carriage...

Me vs The Escalator

*NOTE: 'The Escalator' must be pronounced 'The EscalaTOR' for full dramatic effect.

Today has not been a good day. See this:



Does that look like a friendly and happy place to be? No. It does not. Because that is a deathly tube escalator. If you look closely enough you can see the grim reaper poking his scythe (yes that's what that creepy, extra long walking stick with a nasty blade is called - I just googled it) about.

Just kidding.

But anyway, today I fell down the escalator at Kings Cross. Rush hour commuters are the worst - no one helped me. I have horrid cuts all down my leg and have been bandaged up. It hurts to walk and I'm hobbling around like a granny on speed. AND NO ONE HELPED ME. If I could carry a violin around with me, I would.

So people of the tube, I beg you, let's be a little more caring eh?

Can you measure passion?

I've been watching Masterchef of late - and I love it. I love cooking (and eating) and Masterchef is a great way to encourage people to try out new things and experiment.



There's a couple of things that the contestants are tested on: cooking skills, knowledge of foods, pressure in the pro kitchen (yep, cooking really is a sport now) ... and ... er, passion.

PASSION?!

How can you measure passion??? Well, you can't. Masterchef bosses, what are you doing?! Cooking is fun and so many people are passionate about it - but let's not ruin in by testing people on their passion! Surely the passion test is just another name for 'blagging test' or 'acting ability'?

Pah!